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Feathering the empty nest -
  • home
  • Teddy & Me
  • Teddy’s Legacy
  • My Book
  • Blog
    • Home
    • Lifestyle
    • Loss
    • Pregnancy After Loss
    • Mum’s Voice Blog Series
  • Say Hello
    • Work with me
    • Subscribe to my blog
Mum’s Voice Blog Series

A Golden Gift- Guest post by Becky

24th June 2020 by Elle 1 Comment

1st of April 2016, April Fool’s Day- we were in the lift of the hospital and expecting our first baby.  We were joking about how big I was going to get, and on the way to our 20-week scan.  I remember so clearly the sonographer kept screwing up her face, my husband seemed blissfully oblivious and kept pointing out things on the screen; and then we’re being told our baby’s limbs are measuring short, and she wants to get someone more senior to check the measurements.  The measurements were confirmed and we’re issued with an urgent referral to a consultant.

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Mum’s Voice Blog Series

My Three Stars In The Sky- Guest post by Rachel

17th June 2020 by Elle 8 Comments

No one quite prepares you to get the news that something that was so viable and real growing inside of your body is no longer going to be your reality.  It certainly wasn’t something that crossed my mind that is for sure.  I was a mum already.  At the time of our first experience of baby loss, I was a step mum to ten year old, strapping, young lad and a two year old boy who kept me on my toes.  The plan was always to add to our family.  I wanted at least one more little one to join our tribe, and the ideal scenario for me was to have the children close in age.  In my mind, I was going to handle the different stages of parenthood close together.  Of course, the plan didn’t go my way.

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Mum’s Voice Blog Series

Would I Change Anything?- Guest post by Ailsa

12th June 2020 by Elle 15 Comments

A letter to my baby girl…

Sometimes I let my mind wander. It often happens in the quiet darkness of the early hours when everything else is still.  That’s when my grief is often the loudest and hardest to make sense of.  I often torture myself by asking the same question over and over. Would I change anything?

I wouldn’t change my experience as your Mum, however hard it was, is and always will be.  Being your Mum was the hardest and most heart breaking thing but I would do it a thousand times over.  For the most part, I am proud and I am thankful for the way you have, and continue to impact on my life.

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Mum’s Voice Blog Series

Eli, The Boy Who Made Me- Guest post by Stacy

5th June 2020 by Elle No Comments

The 10th of March 2015 will forever be etched in my mind, this was the date we found out I was pregnant.  We were both so excited, scared and nervous of course but ultimately happier than ever.  Looking back now I say blissfully ignorant.  At six weeks we saw a tiny little heartbeat after a bleeding scare and from that moment, I was in love.  That natural instinct to love and protect was there from the very beginning.

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About me

elle A blog of learning to navigate through life when the plan doesn’t go to plan. When the unthinkable happened, my home saved me. My passion for creating a home became a lifeline; a way of recovery. Here, I share with you some of my thoughts, my home style and most importantly how this all came to be after the loss of our beautiful baby boy, Teddy. Teddy lived for just three days, his time on this earth may have been short, but his impact has been immense. This is my motherhood.

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Recent posts

The Final Furlong…

The Final Furlong…

16th July 2020
Smile To Hide a Tear- Guest post by Sharon

Smile To Hide a Tear- Guest post by Sharon

9th July 2020
The L Word- Guest post by Rebecca

The L Word- Guest post by Rebecca

4th July 2020
Being Jessica’s Mummy- Guest post by Jennifer

Being Jessica’s Mummy- Guest post by Jennifer

1st July 2020
A Golden Gift- Guest post by Becky

A Golden Gift- Guest post by Becky

24th June 2020

Instagram Feed

feathering_the_empty_nest

(Not a pregnancy announcement. Some musings on pre (Not a pregnancy announcement. Some musings on pregnancy after loss)
It’ll be fine...
I have a good feeling...
Try to enjoy it...
Just think positively...
Lightning doesn’t strike twice...
I think you should try to relax...
I can’t wait for your happy ending...
It will be different this time...
I don’t know why you’re worrying, it won’t happen again...

Now I’m through it, I feel like I’m finally in a clearer headspace to be able to say this (not in an effort to criticise, but hopefully to educate🤞🏼)
Saying any of these things to someone who’s experiencing a pregnancy after loss and has heightened anxiety or PTSD, is a bit like telling someone who has depression to “Cheer up”. It aims to invalidate their perfectly rational and valid emotions, and only adds to the burden of guilt that they are already feeling for not “enjoying every moment”. 
Pregnancy can be hard enough (especially during a pandemic), without having to deal with these complex emotions and grief alongside.  Try to understand that if someone is genuinely struggling, that there is no quick-fix to make them “feel better” about it.  Your words won’t be an instant soothing balm that makes their trauma magically disappear with one remark. Often, this kind of positivity will only serve to make them feel even worse. 
I found that during PAL the best thing I could do was to tell people if they said things like this that they were upsetting me, because otherwise how are we all supposed to learn how to support each other better through something challenging? 
(Pic of my TFL badge, because I pimped up 🌈the old badge I’d worn with Teddy, but I never got to wear it...as I didn’t go anywhere🤷🏼‍♀️😂) 
#pregnanyafterloss #weneedtotalkaboutbabyloss #1in4
The big 6 🥳 Happy Birthday to the best friend, The big 6 🥳
Happy Birthday to the best friend, best cuddler, best listener (sometimes, unless food is involved🤷🏼‍♀️), best big brother and best all-round entertainer that team Wright could wish for!  He’s not the best at giving advice, but we’ll let him off. What he lacks in stature he more than makes up for in personality!
Boz, we love you. Never change, you beautiful little soul🥰
(Photos from a distant time when fun flowed wild and free, and we could all just frolic on the sand as we pleased😂) 
#birthdayboy #bringbackfrolicking #puglove
Last year, it wasn’t the one any of us hoped it Last year, it wasn’t the one any of us hoped it might be, it became something none of us could have ever imagined. And yet, for me, it has also been a year that brought us more happiness as a family than we have felt in a very long time. A feeling of happiness that I had feared might never return.🌈💓
It’s been five months since I ventured into this little corner of the internet, so I’m tiptoeing back in (unlike Boz who decided to make an entrance🙄) and I’m not quite sure if there’s anyone here still listening?🤔😂 
I’ve been lucky enough to spend the past five or so months doing all of the things I have dreamed of doing for so long, and yet simultaneously doing none of the things I thought we might be able to do. There have been ups and downs; days filled with the happiest of happy tears, and days of complete and utter overwhelm. All in all, I’ve learned that time away from here, from this, is really good for me.  It’s something I hope to do much more of.  Yet, here I find myself, back again. Doing what? I’m not entirely sure, but I hope you’ll also be here to follow along with some of the things I’ve been working on for 2021...🤞🏼💫🌈
#babyimback #teddyslegacy 
(P.S- This little room is finally filled with the most delicious little chuckles, and it makes my heart burst with happiness💓)
👋🏼Bye for Now👋🏼 Just over 3 & 1/2 year 👋🏼Bye for Now👋🏼
Just over 3 & 1/2 years ago I began writing my blog to share a narrative of motherhood that wasn’t getting the airtime it deserved, and as I did, this little corner of the internet grew, beyond anything I ever could have imagined.  I began dedicating much of my time to raising awareness and funds in Teddy’s name, and finally by writing Ask Me His Name.
I’ve connected with thousands of bereaved parents since then, and so many of you, who like me, have had quite the journey (or are still on it!) to becoming a parent.  I’ve spent hundreds of hours (definitely more🙈) completely consumed by this app; in DMs and comments, trying my best to keep connected to everyone.
And now, she’s here...🌈💗
This has been our dream for so long, a take-home chick.  I’m now acutely aware, more so than ever, of all of the things we missed out on with her big brother.  Everyone keeps telling me how quickly these first weeks and months go, and I don’t want to miss a second with her to be staring at my phone screen instead. 
So excuse me, just for now, while I back out of this room slowly, close the door quietly behind me and simply say...

You’ve all been incredible, and it’s not goodbye, it’s see you all soon.  I don’t know exactly when I’ll be back, I just need a break, to enjoy this little one and immerse myself in the overwhelming privilege of being able to finally hold our baby.  I hope you can understand❤️🙏🏼

Look after each other, stay safe, be kind to one another, and remember....when life hands you that big old bag of lemons🍋 Promise me that you’ll never, ever, give up HOPE✨🌈✌🏼
#onabreak #seeyousoon #featheringtheNOTSOemptynest #atlast

(Another image from my friend/genius @sketchymuma )
A little...GIRL💗🌈 Our hearts have been full A little...GIRL💗🌈
Our hearts have been full since May 2016, but since last week our arms finally have been too, with the most perfect surprise🥰🌈
This little miracle arrived by emergency Caesarean section, a little earlier than had been meticulously planned for (pretty traumatic and involving a 999 call and a blue light ambulance to hospital, but that’s definitely a story for another day😳🙈). She was lifted safely into the world by our incredible consultant, who we will never be able to thank enough for the care and support she has given us over the last four years. 
We came home last Thursday, we are all safe and well, and we are all slowly (just about) getting this figured out with our newest team member! 
Boris is (as expected) the best and proudest big brother! 👏🏼😭
Our real life rainbow is finally here, and she feels like a beautiful dream come true...🌈💫

#mygirl #rainbowbaby
#teddyisabigbrother #believeinmiraclesandmagic
Waiting for a rainbow....🌈 Last week I posted a Waiting for a rainbow....🌈
Last week I posted a blog post. Most likely my last for a long while.  Thank you to everyone who took the time to read it and leave such kind comments over there.  I’ve tried to make sense of all the intense emotions in these last weeks, but the truth is, that as we near the end of this, my anxiety and fears have become all consuming.

Pregnancy after a neonatal death is hard, because for us, the scariest part is yet to come.  I have focused so hard, for so long, on just becoming pregnant again, that I never stopped to imagine how hard this pregnancy might be.  There is no bag packed, the hum of excitement and anticipation that usually hangs in the air before an impending arrival is replaced by unsaid worries and “what ifs”, and the car seat remains firmly in the loft where it was packed away four years ago amidst tears. 

We aren’t waiting for a ‘happy ending’, because the arrival of a living child will never simply erase the death of another.  But we are hoping for a new, much happier, chapter to begin...🤞🏼🌈✨👋🏼

#growingarainbow #thefinalfurlong #pregnancyafterloss #overandout 
{Thank you to @illustratedbyvictoria for this image of me growing our rainbow whilst looking out for our star⭐️💙)
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Categories

  • Home
  • Lifestyle
  • Loss
  • Mum’s Voice Blog Series
  • Pregnancy After Loss

feathering_the_empty_nest

(Not a pregnancy announcement. Some musings on pre (Not a pregnancy announcement. Some musings on pregnancy after loss)
It’ll be fine...
I have a good feeling...
Try to enjoy it...
Just think positively...
Lightning doesn’t strike twice...
I think you should try to relax...
I can’t wait for your happy ending...
It will be different this time...
I don’t know why you’re worrying, it won’t happen again...

Now I’m through it, I feel like I’m finally in a clearer headspace to be able to say this (not in an effort to criticise, but hopefully to educate🤞🏼)
Saying any of these things to someone who’s experiencing a pregnancy after loss and has heightened anxiety or PTSD, is a bit like telling someone who has depression to “Cheer up”. It aims to invalidate their perfectly rational and valid emotions, and only adds to the burden of guilt that they are already feeling for not “enjoying every moment”. 
Pregnancy can be hard enough (especially during a pandemic), without having to deal with these complex emotions and grief alongside.  Try to understand that if someone is genuinely struggling, that there is no quick-fix to make them “feel better” about it.  Your words won’t be an instant soothing balm that makes their trauma magically disappear with one remark. Often, this kind of positivity will only serve to make them feel even worse. 
I found that during PAL the best thing I could do was to tell people if they said things like this that they were upsetting me, because otherwise how are we all supposed to learn how to support each other better through something challenging? 
(Pic of my TFL badge, because I pimped up 🌈the old badge I’d worn with Teddy, but I never got to wear it...as I didn’t go anywhere🤷🏼‍♀️😂) 
#pregnanyafterloss #weneedtotalkaboutbabyloss #1in4
The big 6 🥳 Happy Birthday to the best friend, The big 6 🥳
Happy Birthday to the best friend, best cuddler, best listener (sometimes, unless food is involved🤷🏼‍♀️), best big brother and best all-round entertainer that team Wright could wish for!  He’s not the best at giving advice, but we’ll let him off. What he lacks in stature he more than makes up for in personality!
Boz, we love you. Never change, you beautiful little soul🥰
(Photos from a distant time when fun flowed wild and free, and we could all just frolic on the sand as we pleased😂) 
#birthdayboy #bringbackfrolicking #puglove
Last year, it wasn’t the one any of us hoped it Last year, it wasn’t the one any of us hoped it might be, it became something none of us could have ever imagined. And yet, for me, it has also been a year that brought us more happiness as a family than we have felt in a very long time. A feeling of happiness that I had feared might never return.🌈💓
It’s been five months since I ventured into this little corner of the internet, so I’m tiptoeing back in (unlike Boz who decided to make an entrance🙄) and I’m not quite sure if there’s anyone here still listening?🤔😂 
I’ve been lucky enough to spend the past five or so months doing all of the things I have dreamed of doing for so long, and yet simultaneously doing none of the things I thought we might be able to do. There have been ups and downs; days filled with the happiest of happy tears, and days of complete and utter overwhelm. All in all, I’ve learned that time away from here, from this, is really good for me.  It’s something I hope to do much more of.  Yet, here I find myself, back again. Doing what? I’m not entirely sure, but I hope you’ll also be here to follow along with some of the things I’ve been working on for 2021...🤞🏼💫🌈
#babyimback #teddyslegacy 
(P.S- This little room is finally filled with the most delicious little chuckles, and it makes my heart burst with happiness💓)
👋🏼Bye for Now👋🏼 Just over 3 & 1/2 year 👋🏼Bye for Now👋🏼
Just over 3 & 1/2 years ago I began writing my blog to share a narrative of motherhood that wasn’t getting the airtime it deserved, and as I did, this little corner of the internet grew, beyond anything I ever could have imagined.  I began dedicating much of my time to raising awareness and funds in Teddy’s name, and finally by writing Ask Me His Name.
I’ve connected with thousands of bereaved parents since then, and so many of you, who like me, have had quite the journey (or are still on it!) to becoming a parent.  I’ve spent hundreds of hours (definitely more🙈) completely consumed by this app; in DMs and comments, trying my best to keep connected to everyone.
And now, she’s here...🌈💗
This has been our dream for so long, a take-home chick.  I’m now acutely aware, more so than ever, of all of the things we missed out on with her big brother.  Everyone keeps telling me how quickly these first weeks and months go, and I don’t want to miss a second with her to be staring at my phone screen instead. 
So excuse me, just for now, while I back out of this room slowly, close the door quietly behind me and simply say...

You’ve all been incredible, and it’s not goodbye, it’s see you all soon.  I don’t know exactly when I’ll be back, I just need a break, to enjoy this little one and immerse myself in the overwhelming privilege of being able to finally hold our baby.  I hope you can understand❤️🙏🏼

Look after each other, stay safe, be kind to one another, and remember....when life hands you that big old bag of lemons🍋 Promise me that you’ll never, ever, give up HOPE✨🌈✌🏼
#onabreak #seeyousoon #featheringtheNOTSOemptynest #atlast

(Another image from my friend/genius @sketchymuma )
A little...GIRL💗🌈 Our hearts have been full A little...GIRL💗🌈
Our hearts have been full since May 2016, but since last week our arms finally have been too, with the most perfect surprise🥰🌈
This little miracle arrived by emergency Caesarean section, a little earlier than had been meticulously planned for (pretty traumatic and involving a 999 call and a blue light ambulance to hospital, but that’s definitely a story for another day😳🙈). She was lifted safely into the world by our incredible consultant, who we will never be able to thank enough for the care and support she has given us over the last four years. 
We came home last Thursday, we are all safe and well, and we are all slowly (just about) getting this figured out with our newest team member! 
Boris is (as expected) the best and proudest big brother! 👏🏼😭
Our real life rainbow is finally here, and she feels like a beautiful dream come true...🌈💫

#mygirl #rainbowbaby
#teddyisabigbrother #believeinmiraclesandmagic
Waiting for a rainbow....🌈 Last week I posted a Waiting for a rainbow....🌈
Last week I posted a blog post. Most likely my last for a long while.  Thank you to everyone who took the time to read it and leave such kind comments over there.  I’ve tried to make sense of all the intense emotions in these last weeks, but the truth is, that as we near the end of this, my anxiety and fears have become all consuming.

Pregnancy after a neonatal death is hard, because for us, the scariest part is yet to come.  I have focused so hard, for so long, on just becoming pregnant again, that I never stopped to imagine how hard this pregnancy might be.  There is no bag packed, the hum of excitement and anticipation that usually hangs in the air before an impending arrival is replaced by unsaid worries and “what ifs”, and the car seat remains firmly in the loft where it was packed away four years ago amidst tears. 

We aren’t waiting for a ‘happy ending’, because the arrival of a living child will never simply erase the death of another.  But we are hoping for a new, much happier, chapter to begin...🤞🏼🌈✨👋🏼

#growingarainbow #thefinalfurlong #pregnancyafterloss #overandout 
{Thank you to @illustratedbyvictoria for this image of me growing our rainbow whilst looking out for our star⭐️💙)
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