This is a concept that always appeals to me so much.  I love the Mediterranean way of living; the flow between the inside of the house and the outside space of a garden.  From May onwards, we rarely eat indoors, only if it’s raining, and we can always be found in the garden.  All of our spare time is spent tending to the garden and enjoying it.  Whilst I don’t claim to be a gardening guru (somewhat of a fluke gardener), I know what I like and I know how I like the garden to look and feel.

There are a great many narratives of baby loss. Each one is unique of course, but they all share common features: shock, despair, anger, guilt, shame. The feeling that life as you know it has, without warning, shattered all around you; your world changed forever.

Part of navigating life after loss is finding a way to tell your story. You discover the language which best reflects your reality; decide which details to share and which to keep for yourself; and, in time, your motherhood becomes part of the patchwork of your identity. It’s painful, but you learn how to own it.

Losing my baby was never something I had ever thought about, why would it be? For 41 weeks I carried Gabriel and there was never an inkling of a concern that I would go home with just a small box containing some of the clothes he had worn, his hand and feet prints and a lock of his hair around my neck. But in just a few life-altering moments my entire future was changed and I now live with emotions which I would never have known possible.

I had always wanted to be a mum – it had been my dream. I used to say to people that the reason I was put on this planet was to have children, it was everything to me. I never imagined it might feel like an impossible dream. I assumed it would be easy, I assumed it would just happen, I assumed we’d be parents – just like that. I met my now husband Dave in 2005 (just before my 19^thbirthday) and that was it and by 2015 we had almost everything; we were married, we’d moved into our ‘forever home’ and we were ready to embark on having a family.