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Feathering the empty nest -
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    • Pregnancy After Loss
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    • Subscribe to my blog
Loss

Ice, Ice, Baby?

18th November 2019 by Elle 26 Comments

Truth be told, I have wondered for the past two months whether to even write about this one.  I don’t want to wallow in poor-old-me status or have people give me their sympathy.  When I post anything about our fertility journey since died Teddy, or in fact anything about losing him, it’s never for anything other than trying to connect myself to others who might have been through a similar experience.  Whether it be to offer them some comfort, or find some for myself; I am not sure?  I think it is most likely a case of simply not wanting to feel like the “only one”. Which I will admit, I often do when I see other people having babies and making it look as easy as shelling-peas (as my Mum would say).

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Reading time: 7 min
Loss

When Lightning Strikes Twice…

2nd April 2019 by Elle 275 Comments

Well, three times actually; and it has made me think long and hard about whether to post this. Left me pondering that I might be turning into a one woman pity party? Or perhaps, I fear that I might be shattering the illusion that happily ever afters come easily to those who have already endured enough heartbreak? When I read it back to myself I thought “Well, you couldn’t make this sh*t up if you tried?”

I suppose that is my reason for posting; that I considered that there might be more of us, the unlucky ones, the ones who chase that rainbow, that “happily ever after” for far longer than they have the energy to. The ones who feel battered, bruised and broken by it all, who are on the precipice of giving it all up and chasing another dream.

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Reading time: 18 min
Loss

I’m Just a Grieving Mum Too…

22nd October 2018 by Elle 16 Comments

Strange title for a blog post, I’ll be the first to admit.  This is something that has been playing on my mind so much in recent weeks and I just feel as though I need to get it down in words that are (hopefully) put together in a way people can make sense of (I shall let you be the judge of that!)….

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Lifestyle•Loss

Oh….There You Are!

25th September 2018 by Elle 23 Comments

Hi, I’m Elle, the absent blogger.

I just thought I would re-introduce myself before I come in with an apology of what on earth I have been up to for all of these months instead of actually filling this blog with my writing.  Well, as many of you may have seen (I mean, it’s not like I have mentioned it 65875 times) I was writing a book.  I know, me, an entire bloody book. I can’t quite believe it either. If someone had asked me what my aims were with my blog when it started in January 2017, I can tell you that turning it into a book was not one of them.  I still can’t quite believe it’s happened.  When I hold it in my hands and stare at that title that was deliberated over, I genuinely cannot believe that Teddy’s story is there in print, forever.

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About me

elle Elle Wright is a wife, mother, author and blogger. After the death of her son, Teddy, at three days old, Elle started writing to navigate her new life and as a way to feel purpose again. Her Feathering The Empty Nest blog is a way of finding light in darkness, positivity in times of desperation and, hopefully, making a few people laugh along the way.

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Recent posts

Aurelia’s Wish- Guest post by Kajal

Aurelia’s Wish- Guest post by Kajal

25th February 2021
The Final Furlong…

The Final Furlong…

16th July 2020
Smile To Hide a Tear- Guest post by Sharon

Smile To Hide a Tear- Guest post by Sharon

9th July 2020
The L Word- Guest post by Rebecca

The L Word- Guest post by Rebecca

4th July 2020
Being Jessica’s Mummy- Guest post by Jennifer

Being Jessica’s Mummy- Guest post by Jennifer

1st July 2020

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The four years and two months between our son dyin The four years and two months between our son dying and finally bringing our daughter home with us took me along a path I definitely couldn’t have foreseen. I found myself navigating a road that tested my limits, emotionally and physically.
Every month that passed, every test, every drug, every needle, every scan, every alternative therapy I tried, every procedure, every bit of paperwork, every loss, every smile at another persons happy news and every single tear. Every time I stepped back onto that merry-go-round of secondary infertility and it threw me back off again. It’s all in here...💫📔
It’s not a manual, or a guide. It won’t tell you how to feel or what’s “normal”, but (hopefully) it’s a story that might help others who find themselves on a similar path, or anyone looking to support a friend through fertility struggles and loss.
I’m really proud to say that this book also includes the stories of four wonderful women I’ve had the privilege of meeting through these squares, and who have all bravely and brilliantly shared their stories of infertility, IVF, loss, TFMR, adoption, surrogacy and so much more. So a heartfelt thank you goes to @life.before.you @vanessahaye @littlenorfolkcottage and @ourlyonspride 🙏🏼❤️
Plus there’s a beautiful foreword written by the wonderful soul that it @emmalcannon 💫
I hope this book can be a friend to those who need it, a familiar voice that tells you you’re not alone in this, and a hand to hold yours. Because sometimes our stories aren’t as straightforward as we might have hoped, sometimes there’s a bump in the road...
Publishing NEXT MONTH🥳 29th April, but available to pre-order now. 

#oopsididitagain #booktwo #abumpintheroadbook #1in4 #TTC #IVF #weneedtotalkaboutbabyloss
A big thank you to everyone who took the time to r A big thank you to everyone who took the time to read the first post in series 3 of the #mumsvoiceblog yesterday.  It’s a project started in 2018 and I’m so glad it’s back💫

The biggest thank you goes to Kajal @aurelias_wish for starting this series with such a beautifully written post about her daughter and their family story🙏🏼❤️ 
It always feels such a privilege to be able to share other people’s experiences on the blog and I hope anyone who read yesterday’s post gained as much from it as I did.
#weneedtotalkaboutbabyloss #1in4
Just adding some “essentials” ahead of the wee Just adding some “essentials” ahead of the weekend...🙈❤️💞
(New rule; celebrate everything🤪😂)
#oneforthelovers #bemyvalentine
Adds news flowers. Declares ‘tis Spring🌿✨😆 The End.
#mightevenlightacandle #housewastidyhadtodocument #styleithappy
Hope is the thing with feathers, That perches in t Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all.
~ Emily Dickinson 

Every year in January, I see these little shoots popping up and I feel hopeful of warmer and brighter days to come.  Perhaps now so more than ever. Let’s hope so, eh?

Sending love to anyone who has lost someone dear to them during all of this.❤️Some accounts that I’ve found really helpful in my grief are~
@thegriefgang 
@lifedeathwhat 
@marklemonofficial (Mark’s account is particularly helpful for those supporting children and young people through their grief)
#goodgrief #holdingontohope
(Not a pregnancy announcement. Some musings on pre (Not a pregnancy announcement. Some musings on pregnancy after loss)
It’ll be fine...
I have a good feeling...
Try to enjoy it...
Just think positively...
Lightning doesn’t strike twice...
I think you should try to relax...
I can’t wait for your happy ending...
It will be different this time...
I don’t know why you’re worrying, it won’t happen again...

Now I’m through it, I feel like I’m finally in a clearer headspace to be able to say this (not in an effort to criticise, but hopefully to educate🤞🏼)
Saying any of these things to someone who’s experiencing a pregnancy after loss and has heightened anxiety or PTSD, is a bit like telling someone who has depression to “Cheer up”. It aims to invalidate their perfectly rational and valid emotions, and only adds to the burden of guilt that they are already feeling for not “enjoying every moment”. 
Pregnancy can be hard enough (especially during a pandemic), without having to deal with these complex emotions and grief alongside.  Try to understand that if someone is genuinely struggling, that there is no quick-fix to make them “feel better” about it.  Your words won’t be an instant soothing balm that makes their trauma magically disappear with one remark. Often, this kind of positivity will only serve to make them feel even worse. 
I found that during PAL the best thing I could do was to tell people if they said things like this that they were upsetting me, because otherwise how are we all supposed to learn how to support each other better through something challenging? 
(Pic of my TFL badge, because I pimped up 🌈the old badge I’d worn with Teddy, but I never got to wear it...as I didn’t go anywhere🤷🏼‍♀️😂) 
#pregnanyafterloss #weneedtotalkaboutbabyloss #1in4
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(Not a pregnancy announcement. Some musings on pre (Not a pregnancy announcement. Some musings on pregnancy after loss)
It’ll be fine...
I have a good feeling...
Try to enjoy it...
Just think positively...
Lightning doesn’t strike twice...
I think you should try to relax...
I can’t wait for your happy ending...
It will be different this time...
I don’t know why you’re worrying, it won’t happen again...

Now I’m through it, I feel like I’m finally in a clearer headspace to be able to say this (not in an effort to criticise, but hopefully to educate🤞🏼)
Saying any of these things to someone who’s experiencing a pregnancy after loss and has heightened anxiety or PTSD, is a bit like telling someone who has depression to “Cheer up”. It aims to invalidate their perfectly rational and valid emotions, and only adds to the burden of guilt that they are already feeling for not “enjoying every moment”. 
Pregnancy can be hard enough (especially during a pandemic), without having to deal with these complex emotions and grief alongside.  Try to understand that if someone is genuinely struggling, that there is no quick-fix to make them “feel better” about it.  Your words won’t be an instant soothing balm that makes their trauma magically disappear with one remark. Often, this kind of positivity will only serve to make them feel even worse. 
I found that during PAL the best thing I could do was to tell people if they said things like this that they were upsetting me, because otherwise how are we all supposed to learn how to support each other better through something challenging? 
(Pic of my TFL badge, because I pimped up 🌈the old badge I’d worn with Teddy, but I never got to wear it...as I didn’t go anywhere🤷🏼‍♀️😂) 
#pregnanyafterloss #weneedtotalkaboutbabyloss #1in4
The big 6 🥳 Happy Birthday to the best friend, The big 6 🥳
Happy Birthday to the best friend, best cuddler, best listener (sometimes, unless food is involved🤷🏼‍♀️), best big brother and best all-round entertainer that team Wright could wish for!  He’s not the best at giving advice, but we’ll let him off. What he lacks in stature he more than makes up for in personality!
Boz, we love you. Never change, you beautiful little soul🥰
(Photos from a distant time when fun flowed wild and free, and we could all just frolic on the sand as we pleased😂) 
#birthdayboy #bringbackfrolicking #puglove
Last year, it wasn’t the one any of us hoped it Last year, it wasn’t the one any of us hoped it might be, it became something none of us could have ever imagined. And yet, for me, it has also been a year that brought us more happiness as a family than we have felt in a very long time. A feeling of happiness that I had feared might never return.🌈💓
It’s been five months since I ventured into this little corner of the internet, so I’m tiptoeing back in (unlike Boz who decided to make an entrance🙄) and I’m not quite sure if there’s anyone here still listening?🤔😂 
I’ve been lucky enough to spend the past five or so months doing all of the things I have dreamed of doing for so long, and yet simultaneously doing none of the things I thought we might be able to do. There have been ups and downs; days filled with the happiest of happy tears, and days of complete and utter overwhelm. All in all, I’ve learned that time away from here, from this, is really good for me.  It’s something I hope to do much more of.  Yet, here I find myself, back again. Doing what? I’m not entirely sure, but I hope you’ll also be here to follow along with some of the things I’ve been working on for 2021...🤞🏼💫🌈
#babyimback #teddyslegacy 
(P.S- This little room is finally filled with the most delicious little chuckles, and it makes my heart burst with happiness💓)
👋🏼Bye for Now👋🏼 Just over 3 & 1/2 year 👋🏼Bye for Now👋🏼
Just over 3 & 1/2 years ago I began writing my blog to share a narrative of motherhood that wasn’t getting the airtime it deserved, and as I did, this little corner of the internet grew, beyond anything I ever could have imagined.  I began dedicating much of my time to raising awareness and funds in Teddy’s name, and finally by writing Ask Me His Name.
I’ve connected with thousands of bereaved parents since then, and so many of you, who like me, have had quite the journey (or are still on it!) to becoming a parent.  I’ve spent hundreds of hours (definitely more🙈) completely consumed by this app; in DMs and comments, trying my best to keep connected to everyone.
And now, she’s here...🌈💗
This has been our dream for so long, a take-home chick.  I’m now acutely aware, more so than ever, of all of the things we missed out on with her big brother.  Everyone keeps telling me how quickly these first weeks and months go, and I don’t want to miss a second with her to be staring at my phone screen instead. 
So excuse me, just for now, while I back out of this room slowly, close the door quietly behind me and simply say...

You’ve all been incredible, and it’s not goodbye, it’s see you all soon.  I don’t know exactly when I’ll be back, I just need a break, to enjoy this little one and immerse myself in the overwhelming privilege of being able to finally hold our baby.  I hope you can understand❤️🙏🏼

Look after each other, stay safe, be kind to one another, and remember....when life hands you that big old bag of lemons🍋 Promise me that you’ll never, ever, give up HOPE✨🌈✌🏼
#onabreak #seeyousoon #featheringtheNOTSOemptynest #atlast

(Another image from my friend/genius @sketchymuma )
A little...GIRL💗🌈 Our hearts have been full A little...GIRL💗🌈
Our hearts have been full since May 2016, but since last week our arms finally have been too, with the most perfect surprise🥰🌈
This little miracle arrived by emergency Caesarean section, a little earlier than had been meticulously planned for (pretty traumatic and involving a 999 call and a blue light ambulance to hospital, but that’s definitely a story for another day😳🙈). She was lifted safely into the world by our incredible consultant, who we will never be able to thank enough for the care and support she has given us over the last four years. 
We came home last Thursday, we are all safe and well, and we are all slowly (just about) getting this figured out with our newest team member! 
Boris is (as expected) the best and proudest big brother! 👏🏼😭
Our real life rainbow is finally here, and she feels like a beautiful dream come true...🌈💫

#mygirl #rainbowbaby
#teddyisabigbrother #believeinmiraclesandmagic
Waiting for a rainbow....🌈 Last week I posted a Waiting for a rainbow....🌈
Last week I posted a blog post. Most likely my last for a long while.  Thank you to everyone who took the time to read it and leave such kind comments over there.  I’ve tried to make sense of all the intense emotions in these last weeks, but the truth is, that as we near the end of this, my anxiety and fears have become all consuming.

Pregnancy after a neonatal death is hard, because for us, the scariest part is yet to come.  I have focused so hard, for so long, on just becoming pregnant again, that I never stopped to imagine how hard this pregnancy might be.  There is no bag packed, the hum of excitement and anticipation that usually hangs in the air before an impending arrival is replaced by unsaid worries and “what ifs”, and the car seat remains firmly in the loft where it was packed away four years ago amidst tears. 

We aren’t waiting for a ‘happy ending’, because the arrival of a living child will never simply erase the death of another.  But we are hoping for a new, much happier, chapter to begin...🤞🏼🌈✨👋🏼

#growingarainbow #thefinalfurlong #pregnancyafterloss #overandout 
{Thank you to @illustratedbyvictoria for this image of me growing our rainbow whilst looking out for our star⭐️💙)
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