There’s one and there’s the other

“There’s one, and there’s the other…”, the sonographer calmly announced.

Oh my goodness. Twins. I was having twins. After experiencing a bleed at 11 weeks pregnant I thought I was suffering from a miscarriage however I was just getting bigger, twice as fast. My crying changed to laughing and then I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry so went a bit hysterical. Connor, on the other hand didn’t talk. In fact, he didn’t say much for the next two days apart from “twins Amy” in disbelief.

At 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant with our second child, our lives changed irreversibly when we heard the words “I’m sorry there’s no heartbeat.” As I looked on, the screen I had looked at earlier that day where she had put her hand to her face, this time it was still.  I knew instantly she was gone; her little hand lay motionless on the portable scanner screen on the maternity ward, she literally looked liked she was floating in space, where as before she had been so buoyant and bouncy.

I suppose it didn’t feel right for me to launch this blog series without a little introduction from me as to why I think it’s so important.  When I found out I had been nominated for the Tommy’s The Baby Charity “Mum’s Voice” award I felt so proud, of Teddy.  I felt proud to have been able to tell the world about him, and that they weren’t afraid to read it.  People weren’t scared that it was catching or that I was trying to share a message of doom and gloom.  I felt proud that I had been able to chip away at that stigma that baby loss is still haunted by, that there would perhaps be less head-tilters and more people saying “Tell me more about your son…”

I know I always say this, but I think the sitting room might finally be finished?  It hasn’t been the easiest room to get feeling “just right” as I always seem to find something that needs doing.  When the new armchair and sofa arrived in recent months I thought I had made it feel cosier, but there were a couple of major stumbling blocks still bugging me in this room…..