If you have read my blog before then you’ll know that since losing Teddy I have been trying my very best to ensure my body is fit and healthy in order to carry another baby. After we lost another pregnancy at fifteen weeks in January this year, I felt as though my body had failed me. It was supposed to be our time, our rainbow of hope, and yet it still didn’t happen for us. To say I felt let down or disappointed is probably the understatement to end them all. I was pretty bereft if I’m honest with myself.
That said, having the dream of a “take home baby” snatched from under our noses again, has just made me ever more positive and hopeful that if I am able to feel healthy and content in myself, then my body will know what to do and the rest will come naturally. Of course I realise I am looking at this from the perspective of someone who has carried a full term pregnancy (healthily) and been able to conceive again within a matter of months after Teddy died; and I know that there will be people reading this who have never done either. I just want you to know that I realise how incredibly fortunate I am to have experienced pregnancy at all, regardless of the outcome. With this positive outlook in mind I have continued on my quest to look after myself, to heal my body and my emotions and try for another baby. It was on this quest that I discovered a book, that has quite frankly been a game changer for me, Fertile, by Emma Cannon.
If you have never heard of Emma then I’ll do the leg work for you and link her website here. The more I read about her and the more I began to speak to people about her and about the book; the more people came to me with their own experiences of having read one of her (four) books, or of having actually had treatment with her at her London based clinic. I felt as though I was learning so much from Fertile, like I was beginning to understand the foods I could use to naturally nourish my body and encourage it to get my cycles back into a plausible rhythm that might actually enable me to become pregnant once more. This approach has suited me so much better than just peeing on sticks and hoping for the best outcome (If you have ever suffered from pee-on-a-stick-itus then you’ll know where I am coming from here!). I feel as though I want to tell the world about Emma’s book, her philosophy and the work that she does in helping women to fall pregnant naturally and support women who are going through fertility treatment. So here it is, my ode to Emma!
As luck would have it, Instagram did actually lead me right to Emma’s door, not just her metaphorical door; I am talking about the actual door of her Chelsea based clinic. After using a photograph of Emma’s book in one of my recent blog posts, one of my lovely Insta-friends mentioned me to Emma as she happened to know her personally. It was at this point that Emma got directly in touch with me (I won’t even try and be cool here, I definitely shrieked when I saw her message sitting in my inbox). She has heard about Teddy and about my writing about his loss, and she said she wanted to try and support me through my journey to creating a healthier, happier me and hopefully to becoming a mum to another child. I booked to see her, and I am so glad that I did.
When I entered Emma’s clinic last month, I just knew it was going to be a place where healing happened. Unlike anywhere I had gone for treatment before, this place felt like home. With a real bohemian vibe and a desk placed discretely at the side in one corner of the room, I felt as though Emma had just invited me around for a chat and a place to talk openly about our recent struggles. Emma was warm from the moment I met her, she wanted to talk about Teddy and my pregnancy, she wanted to take the time to hear all about his story and ours, and she put me completely at ease when telling her everything. She offered up valuable advice about helping me to be even more in touch with my body and my cycles, and she gave me so many words of encouragement for the things I had already been doing to improve my health and fertility. Truth be told, it was the first time I have spoken to any person in a professional capacity where I truly felt as though I wasn’t being judged or pyscho-analysed. Like I could just tell it like it is and she wouldn’t so much as flinch; she just wanted to help me.
My situation has changed a little from the last time I wrote about my fertility health. When I went to see my consultant last month there was both good news and bad news. The good news being that all of the scarring that had been residing in my uterus has gone (sets confetti cannon off!), but that for one reason or another (let’s be honest with ourselves here it’s physical and emotional trauma) my body has actually stopped ovulating altogether. Both of my ovaries were “presenting as polycystic” (her words, not mine). Which is to say that I don’t have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, but simply that they are behaving as polycystic as a temporary (let’s hope) measure because of what my body has been through. Fair play to them, they’ve decided to take some much-needed time off, I don’t bloody blame them to be honest. I can only imagine that my ovaries are as fed up as I am at times; wondering why the universe won’t just give them a break?! Luckily for me, my consultant had already anticipated this might be the case a couple of weeks before that scan, and so had already put me on hormone therapy. Essentially trying to trick the body into thinking the hormones are doing their thing, and reminding the body to ovulate again (We can but hope!). So I am now just coming to the end of a twelve week hormone course, trying to fix that problem. If it doesn’t fix? Well, as my consultant would say “We can cross that bridge if and when we come to it”, but that’s when we will start to look at fertility medication to stimulate ovulation. I explained all of this to Emma, and she was brilliant. I think one of the brilliant things about her type of practice is that she sits at the junction between Chinese and Western medicines; fusing the two together and enabling women who are on a medical fertility journey to use acupuncture and diet to aid the effectiveness of their treatment.
With all of this in mind; Emma asked me if I wanted to have some acupuncture with her while I was there, and of course I jumped at the opportunity. I have been having acupuncture for almost the past year and have personally found it a little addictive. It has helped me to balance my emotions and manage the day-to-day coping with the grief I have for Teddy. I definitely notice a huge difference in my physical and mental well-being if I don’t have it; and I was keen to see if Emma did anything differently to my practitioner. My treatment was about 20 minutes long and Emma used some points that I had never experienced before. In acupuncture your pulse is taken before, during and after your treatment so that your practitioner can gauge your body’s reaction to treatment; but Emma left me alone to relax whilst the needles were in place. I drifted off into my own little world and tried to focus on a positive thought for the future (I do that every time I have a treatment!).
Emma gave me some brilliant advice for going forward and I also picked up a copy of another of her books, The Baby Making Bible. Having made a start on it, I wish I had read this when we had been trying for Teddy as I really feel her outlook and advice on conceiving a baby is valuable for everyone, whether it’s your first time trying or like me, your third. The most important thing I feel that I learned from my experience at Emma’s clinic is that my belief is key. To believe that I will be a mother to another baby and to keep that positive energy going within my body and mind. Also, not to become too focused on the outcome: the want to “be pregnant” and to “have a baby”, but to stay focused on the why. Why I want to be a mother to another baby, and why this journey is so important for me. We cannot control the outcome, but we can absolutely control our attitude and outlook to create the most healthy mindset possible when trying for a baby. Trust me, I know that’s hard, I really do; but it’s working for me and that’s what counts at the moment. Thank you Emma, for helping me to re-ignite that positive spark. I’ll get there, I can feel it just around the corner…….
To register an interest in Emma’s services and to sign up for her newsletter, please click here.
I will be attending Emma’s “Gathering of the Tribes” event during National Fertility Week at her Chelsea Clinic on 31st October 2017. A chance for women to come together and talk about miscarriage , stillbirth and infant loss. Emma has very kindly offered to use the event to support Teddy’s Legacy fundraising for the Little Roo Fund that supports the NICU at Ashford & St.Peter’s Hospital, Chertsey. please sign up for the newsletter to register your interest in the event.
This is not a sponsored post. Emma did not offer to see me on the premise that I would write about my experience or endorse her in any way at all. I have chosen to write about my experience, as I truly believe her to be a wonderful practitioner who is helping so many women to realise their dream of becoming a mother.