We had been married for five months before we were surprised with a twin pregnancy, we were ecstatic. At 16 weeks they were diagnosed with stage 2 twin-twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS). At 19 weeks we had emergency surgery in London to separate the twins.
We made our way home the next morning on strict bed rest. By day five, I felt different. My husband and parents were back at work, so I contacted our community midwife. She advised me to visit, and she would have a listen in for some reassurance. When I got there, she listened in on her doppler but then paused. She said she could hear something, but couldn’t be sure, so told me to get to the assessment unit as soon as possible. The drive there was horrendous as I was panicking the whole way. They took me straight through – these scans were becoming something of a routine now but this one felt different. Then the words came “I’m so sorry, but there is only one heartbeat. Can we call anybody for you?”. I felt it. Proper, gut-wrenching, silent heartbreak. I cried but the sound wouldn’t even come out. They guided me out of the office into a waiting room full of expectant mothers, and it hit me that I was still one, even though my baby had died. I still had one little one in there fighting away, but how could I focus on that when my baby had also just died?