Hi, I’m Elle, the absent blogger.

I just thought I would re-introduce myself before I come in with an apology of what on earth I have been up to for all of these months instead of actually filling this blog with my writing.  Well, as many of you may have seen (I mean, it’s not like I have mentioned it 65875 times) I was writing a book.  I know, me, an entire bloody book. I can’t quite believe it either. If someone had asked me what my aims were with my blog when it started in January 2017, I can tell you that turning it into a book was not one of them.  I still can’t quite believe it’s happened.  When I hold it in my hands and stare at that title that was deliberated over, I genuinely cannot believe that Teddy’s story is there in print, forever.

I suppose it didn’t feel right for me to launch this blog series without a little introduction from me as to why I think it’s so important.  When I found out I had been nominated for the Tommy’s The Baby Charity “Mum’s Voice” award I felt so proud, of Teddy.  I felt proud to have been able to tell the world about him, and that they weren’t afraid to read it.  People weren’t scared that it was catching or that I was trying to share a message of doom and gloom.  I felt proud that I had been able to chip away at that stigma that baby loss is still haunted by, that there would perhaps be less head-tilters and more people saying “Tell me more about your son…”

Just because you see a rainbow, and it’s beautiful, and it’s wonderful, and it makes your heart smile; it doesn’t mean that the rain didn’t just happen.  It did.  Everything is soaked, including you.

Of course, I’m not talking about the weather, am I?  No, I am talking about babies (no surprises there then?!).  What I want to say here may not come out in the intended way; but I am going to give it my best shot and see what happens.  Obviously we want another baby, quite badly now I might add.  Teddy should have been two in May, even if he had lived; I think I still would have hoped I was pregnant with another healthy pregnancy by now.  Alas, neither.

Looking like a true survivor.  Well,  Elton had it pretty bang on didn’t he?  The truth is, when I launched this little blog this time last year, I had no idea that it would be so needed.  Not just for me, for my sanity and to express many of the emotions I had kept to myself, but for all of the other women, the survivors, who have contacted me over the past year.