If you have read my blog before then you’ll know that since losing Teddy I have been trying my very best to ensure my body is fit and healthy in order to carry another baby.  After we lost another pregnancy at fifteen weeks in January this year, I felt as though my body had failed me.  It was supposed to be our time, our rainbow of hope, and yet it still didn’t happen for us.  To say I felt let down or disappointed is probably the understatement to end them all.  I was pretty bereft if I’m honest with myself.

“Oh, well, um; I’m not really sure?” *Pauses, stutters words, and in a second goes from a confident grown-up to a bumbling moron who can’t seem to string a sentence together*

Yes, that’s me.  All of the above.  If I am honest, I am pretty sick of that question and what it means.  It wasn’t until recently I realised just how much it annoyed me, and just how much we are defined by what we “do“.  Of course, it used to be a question that didn’t phase me at all; a question I could answer confidently in a nano-second with a very proud “Oh, I work in sales in London for *Insert name of BIG cosmetics giant here*”.  What a conversation opener, oh how interesting and engaging I was.  Yes, my job seemed to define me in social situations and I didn’t even care.

I first met Nicole at my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding in April 2016.  We were both thirty-something weeks pregnant; me with Teddy, and her with their fourth son….also Edward! We sat together, talked, laughed and joked.  Both being heavily pregnant I obviously asked her if it was her first baby, and how many other children she had.  Oh, how I look back now and cringe a little at my own blissful ignorance.  Nicole was one of the first people who reached out to me after Teddy died; one of the first people I spoke to who truly understood the emotions I was going through.  I will be eternally grateful to her for the love, support and helpful words that she offered to me during those first weeks of loss.  Nicole has now embarked on an incredible campaign that seeks to help all parents in loss.  Something that has been born out of her passion and belief that we all need to start this conversation, and we must not shy away from the subject.  I am so proud to have her share her story with you all, so I’ll let her take it from here.  Elle x

I feel extremely privileged that since I began writing about losing Teddy, and the life that we have found ourselves in since that day,  that people now write to me to share their experiences of loss.  Hearing that others have found comfort in my words after losing a child or have been able to make sense of their own feelings during loss, makes me realise how essential it is for us all to try and talk about this subject as openly as possible.  It makes people feel less alone, and that can only be a good thing.